STILL GOING BARMY?
E S C A P I N G !
We're escaping
Yawn, mouths gaping!
England is the "barrel scraping"!
I avoid "royal" interview
Rather have a "peaceful poo"?
Speculation
Through the Nation
Heading for a railway station?
Isles of Scilly, Cornwall... Sail..
Riding on an Orca Whale! (Dangerous, called Boris!)
Rain is falling
So appalling!
Gatebeck Lodge we are recalling
Listening to "Orals French"
Saying "banc" or is it bench?
Pigeons cooing
Rain still "viewing"
And of course... a doggie pooing!" (Local website!)
Time for us to emigrate?
Soon too old and then too late?
Yeti passing
Neighbours "gassing"
Party Time, "they're lads-and-lassing!"
Gulls are screeching, I cry "Help"
Doggie barks, enormous Yelp!
Aphrodite
Far from Blighty
Sharon is our "Great Almighty"!
Sunshine and a perfect track
Rufus, smiling in my sack!
Troodos mountain
"Kendal fountain" (Rain in August!)
On some sunshine we are counting
Christmas Day and we had sun
And with Enid... Lots of fun!
Going barmy
Whisky.. "Calm mi!"
Alex happy in the army
Close my eyes and disappear
Stuck indoors.. it's what I fear! Help! 10/03/2021 xx
MASTERMIND !
G E O G R A P H Y !
Mablethorpe, of course, in Kent?
Margate.. 'what I really meant?
Skeggy, is that "bracing place" (Skegness)
Scunthorpe, Lincs', is really ace!
Himalayas, "girl" says.. France! ("Pointless" contestant)
Tango is a Chinese dance?
Pafos, 'course, is found in Greece!
Not so far from coastal Nice?
Bogota is near to Spain?
Pennines, where there's lots of rain! (True!)
Loch Ness near to Coral Bay?
'Wonder, what else should I say?
Mastermind, with knowledge clear
Costa Rica, Blackpool's near?
Monkeys jumping off the Tower...
'View Pacific, feel its power!
Irish Sea, The Isle of Wight?
'Say that west is turning right?
Arctic, near to Chile's shore?
Knowledge growing more and more?
Special subject, guess the place!
Yemen, with a smiling face?
Palestine, a peaceful state
Israel decides its fate? (Better knowledge?)
Sailing on 'banana boat
Veggie food, of course, is goat! (Fyti food for me!)
English Channel, wave to Chad?
Falkland Isles, I'll buy a pad? (Really?)
All is nonsense, head for Mars
Viewing Earth from passing stars
Thank you, Sharon, lesson o'er
'Guess I'm just pedantic bore? 04/03/2021
For Sharon Espin xx
BODY "ART"!
T H E T A T T O O K I N G
Dan, Dan, the Tattoo Man
'Has bright transfers where he can!
Aphrodite, Jenny Lumb
'Has an angel on his bum!
Bulging biceps,"Deacon's Queen"
On his back: a football "scene"
Arms of iron, Collie dog
On his neck: the greenest frog!
'Has no hair upon his head (What!)
Winnie Pooh, his fav'rite Ted'
Has his "Moll" upon his arm
Code of villa's burglar 'larm!! (Really?)
One of Pafos' hottest hunks
'Has a mobile down his trunks
"Good Vibrations", girlfriend's text
Plays Vivaldi's "Seasons" next?
Jesus on his lower back
Better covered with a sack?
'Thinks he's sexy, Vardas Beach
On his cheek?.. a juicy peach
Names of "conquests", "Seize The Day"
Hayley as his latest "lay"
Room for silver Blackpool Tower?
Great Adonis, throbbing power!
Superman: "The Tattoo King"
'Wears expensive golden ring
Rolex gleaming, Aston' car
Nightly?.. Teeth are in a jar!
Greetings to this Tattoo Man
Born in Wales, poor Aberfan
Rarely smiling, "on the pull"
'Guess he's really... rather dull? From 2011, Vardas Beach xx
04/02/2021 xxxx
USA GOING BARMY!
G O O D B Y E, D O N A L D !
Donald Trump!
Ecky Thump!
Gives all democrats the hump!
He is never, never wrong
Sing a super silly song!
Vote and Vote!
Billy Goat!
'Round the White House build a moat!
You will have to blast T' out
He's a nutcase, there's no doubt!
Hair, "fine" Hair!
Yogi Bear!
He has got a hamster there!
'Doesn't look like ninety-four?
And he is pathetic bore!
Guns and God!
Rather odd?
These are NOT "peas in a pod"!
Let's return to wildest west
Donald Trump is on our "vest"!
Democrat?
Don't like that?
"Socialist" not on D's hat?
Time to lauch T' into space
World will then be really ace?
"Sleepy Joe!"
"Sleepy Joe!"
To that White House you MUST go!
With Kamala, duo great
US then has 'better "fate"!
Insults gone
Beach Boys' song
God Only Knows when Trump is gone!
'Want a world that's full of peace?
From Dear Donald then release! xxxx 07/11/2020 xxxx
MORE NONSENSE?
H O P E S F O R P A F O S !
Jab 'gainst 'Flu and Shingles
Rather have some Pringles?
Struggle through these Covid Times
Time for silly jingles?
Boris is a wally
Scowling, not too jolly
Question Time a nightmare seems
'Trust him would be folly?
Gym, my arms are aching
Real exertion faking?
Stepping on and off a "bench"
Muscles are "a-quaking"!
Talking 'bout the Bingo
'Love the "Bingo-Lingo"!
Boris' den is Number Ten
Doggie barks.... a Dingo?
Pinkie talks 'bout Jumbo's
Shoppers.. mainly Dumbos?
Boris on the Christmas Tree
Cabinet of "numbos"?
Mario's for drinking
"Leon, please!", I'm thinking
Happy days on Tala Square
Keo 'fore we're blinking!
Time for "Click-Collecting"
Hands we're disinfecting
Asda far from Pafos Town
Easy Jet "inspecting" (Any flights?)
Hoping for December
Lovely times remember
Yialos tavern for sea bream
Rufus: 'smiling "member".. "The bears have it!"
20/10/2020 For Pinkie Lightly xxxx
SNOOKER LOOPY!
W A T C H O U T R O N N I E!
Rufus Bear is going bonkers
Baloo Bear, collectiong conkers?
'Sent to buy a snooker cue
'Guess he hasn't got a clue?
Cue-less is our snooker player
Poet's hair is going greyer! (Possible?)
"Use your snout, I'll get some chalk
"Soon we'll get you out of baulk!"
'Needs to practise, snout he's chalking
'Makes a change from lots of walking!
Crucible in Sheffield 'goes
With some chalk upon his nose
Ronnie's there, Steve Davis joking
Fun at Baloo's snout he's poking
"Snooker's not for little bears
Go play marbles in your lairs!"
Tension mounting, One-Four-Seven
Rufus soon in Snooker Heaven
Baloo bowing, 'likes applause
Magic in his famous paws!
Day of tournament is nearing
Ronnie O', defeat he's fearing
'Views the headlines: "Bear Defeat"
'Guess he needs a Whisky neat?
Dennis Taylor speculating
For the final he is waiting
Who would bet against a bear?
'Chalks his snout with utmost care!
Final frame, Baloo is leading
Even though his snout is bleeding
'Holds his trophy... and with pride
Ronnie O' has gone to hide! 30/09/2020 xxxx
GETTING BETTER!
T H E G R U M P Y C U P !
BORING! BORING!
I'm soon snoring
Lots of Numpties are out "touring"
Van on 'pavement wakes me up (Within 5 cms!)
Drinking from my Grumpy Cup!
Heinz is grumpy
Life is bumpy
Far too old for "rumpy-pumpy"?
'Knows the inside of his flat?
Karin is his "pussy cat"!
Berlin boiling
Karin toiling (A worker!)
Red wine soon her "system oiling"!
Liquid takes the pain away
On this sticky working day!
Man is smiling
So beguiling
"Missed a bike!", yes, "This I'm filing!" (Luck?)
'Wearing tie and smartest suit
Laughing too along his "route"!
Mood improving
Schubert... soothing!
Of all friendly smiles 'approving
Lie upon the sofa, snooze
And no need for "daily booze"
Cars not missing
Swear and hissing
Rufus I am gently kissing
Time, I think, to book a trip?
As I at my Whisky sip!
Prospects rising
Not surprising?
Always one for early rising
Isle of Wight for G-Line Tour
Mood improving, more and more! 29/08/2020.. "Hallo Heinz!" xx
P E A C E F U L W A L K I N G!
A P L E A !
We'd like to walk in peace along the shore
No ducking, weaving, safely, without stress
We try to keep our distance all the more
By walking on the grass or road 'confess!
St. Annes, the pavements full of manic guys
'Say "Thank you" for them... almost in despair
You'll hear my grumbles and those heavy sighs
I'm screaming: "Well, does anybody care?"
Now Rossall, on the dunes, it clears my head
The racing bikes, Thank Goodness, far away!
All horros of the roads are almost "dead"
The sun peeps through, it is a lovely day!
Then Jerry Vine extols all "smashing bikes" (Ho! Ho!)
This thesis, though, is not one of my likes!! 07/08/2020 xx
DREAMING AGAIN!
D E A R W E E D G A R D E N
Try and fine the highest weed
Nice and green, where vermin breed
On the drive.. a startled rat
Chased by neighbour's pussy cat!
Park a car and leave it there
Eight years, does man really care?
Scraps of paper strewn inside
"Wear your rubbish, please, with pride!"
Gulls are passing, 'choose a roof
'Find man's garden too uncouth!"
Pigeons dropping "souvenir"
Right beside a can of beer!
Sun come out, a gorgeous sheen
On this sad, chaotic scene
Guy walks past, 'discards a fag
And a dirty plastic bag!
Cello playing, Elgar's day (Classic FM)
Gosh, I think the weeds do sway!
Add a little dash of pink
Dock leaves too.. "What do you think?"
So majestic, Elgar's charm
Close the blinds, I'm feeling calm
Sailing to a promised land
Man and Nature, hand in hand!
Costa Rica, monkeys howl
Far away from garden's scowl
Toucan, parrot, vultures soar
"Cannot see the weeds no more!" (Any more?)
Waking up, guy's car starts up (I am dreaming!)
From my Leon glass I sup
Weeds still there, a Whisky too
Ease the pain of "Weedy Zoo"! Updated from 2018. xxxx
PEACEFUL BRITAIN!
L A W A N D O R D E R, P L E A S E !
Cycle! Cycle!
Racing "Michael"
Wearing trainers made by "Nike-l"
On the pavement, phone in hand
Welcome to the promised land!
'Prefer tweeting (of birds)
Friends we're meeting
Giving us the warmest greeting
Green Team picking litter up
Drinking from Dear Nature's Cup!
Gordon's passing...
'Sees us "gassing"
In a mask "Flash Gordon's" passing!
Slowly on, his stick his guide
'Views our neighbourhood with pride!
"Parking Heaven"
Not in Devon?
Double-yellow lines for seven! (Cars obey?)
No police, give them a fine?
All our streets are so divine!
Cyclists racing
Each one chasing
"TEN" on pathway they're "effacing" (MPH)
Doggie frightened, we are too
'Guess thay haven't got a clue?
Garden quiet
Here... no riot!
Blackbirds have a tasty "diet"!
Go and have a cup of tea
From the outside world I'm free! 25/07/2020 xx
"NICE ONE, TOMMY!"
"C H E E R U P J A C K!"
"Trilby Time", with Eddie Waring
Beaming smile his face is wearing
"Up 'n Under", "Early Bath"
Can you hear my silly laugh?
Tommy Cooper, Raymond joking (Ray K')
"Stage One Boozers" almost choking! (Clinking wine bottles!)
"Hairy Fairy" dancing free
High atop the Comic Tree
Mikey Yarwood, always boozing
To Dear Cyprus comics cruising?
Jimmy Tarbuck, Kenneth Dodd
Diddy Men seem rather odd?
Morris Dancers, Cow is dancing (Big Richard!)
Panto': all our lives enhancing
Fairy with a magic wand (Annie M)
Of a bit of humour fond?
Teddy Heath, with shaking shoulders
Leeds United.. ticket holders! (Champions!)
Harold Wilson with his pipe
Mimics given lots of hype!
'Guessing how Prince George is looking? (Who cares?)
Dear Nigella, lots of cooking
Stavros drinking.... herbal tea??? (Happy Wanderer)
He's declaring" "Whisky-free"! (We bet!)
Politicians with their... dummies
Johnson, Cummings...plastic tummies?
Not a lot to make us laugh?
Drop them into boiling bath! (Oil?)
Bradford Bulls, in need of cheering?
Pint of Tetley's as my "beering"
Tommy Cooper: "Cheer up, Jack!"
Silly jokes, there is no lack!
News depressing, 'need more tickles?
Sooty, Sweep and Wilfred Pickles
Tommy Cooper, You're my King!
"Look on 'Bright Side!", we all sing! Updated from 2013 xxxx
FROM A BISCUIT'S DIARY!
I T ' S A B I S C U I T ' S W O R L D
"I'm nutty as a fruitcake!"
Said the biscuit to the plum
"I'm a chocolate wholewheat
You're all sad and glum!"
"Hold on, Chocoholic!
I'm a piece of fruit
I'm all full of goodness
And what's more, I'm cute!"
"Children like their chocolate
'Buy it by the ton
You're a rainy shower
I'm a day of sun!"
"You pull out the fillings
Dentists this they hate
Piling on the kilos
Dreadful is their fate!"
Biscuit's really raging
And begins to melt
Painful situation
Joker's just been dealt!
Plum is laughing loudly
Hand then reaches out
Gobbles down our "Plummie"
'Spits the hard stone out!
Biscuit's smiling broadly
Jumps back in the tin
Sleeping safe and soundly
'Dreams about his "win"!
Would you call this justice?
Biscuit's still awake
Eater's turning poorly
For Poor Plummie's sake! Should the bully win? Updated from 2012 xx
I am the plum, of course, bullied out of a job in 2000 xx
HEDGEHOG NEWS (A SONNET)
D E A R H E T T Y
Dear Hetty on our sofa calmy sits
The "Little Folk", you'll find them all around
She loves our Rufus: "Yes", she says.. "to bits!"
And moving now, without a single sound
She lives too on a shelf with Super Ted (At least 70 years of age!)
There's Josef too, his yodel he has lost! (Zu Hilfe!)
Dear Peggy Sue and she's to Josef wed
Support each other at whatever cost!
Hett' likes a comfy cushion where it's calm
Whilst watching "Corrie"*, Roy her fav'rite man
When trouble brews, she raises the alarm
They fly around the room, yes, in a pan!
A hedgehog's life is super in our house
She's meek and mild and quiet as a mouse... Like myself?
Updated from 2018 xxxx * Coronation Street
DISAPPEARING FOOD!
W A S I S T L O S ?
What's the matter, North and South?
Food keeps dropping in my mouth
'Pass the fridge, some cheese "drops in"!
Whisky too, but never gin!
Making breakfast, nuts and fruit
Fingers think they're really cute!
Pinch a lonely, tasty grape
Stomach keeps a healthy shape?
Chopping carrots, lots "drop in"
Wasting food would be a sin!
Celery and currants too
Mushrooms, destined for a stew!
MYSTERY... A chocolate thief?
Strawb'rries too... Beyond belief?
Ginger biscuits all have gone
Singing: "Yummy, Foodie Song"!
Bag of nuts is looking thin
P'rhaps they've fallen in the bin?
Fish and chips have disappeared
"Foodie Thief", one says, is feared!
Whisky bottle 'emptied too
Leon gone...."Give us a clue!"
Sherlock Holmes is on the case
Searching for a "greedy face"!
Maybe...Blame the local cats?
Sleeping on their beds and mats
'Guess they really need the food?
Puts them in a purring mood!
I am blaming.... local mice
Eating lots of sugar, spice!
Ants, I think, are suspects too?
Nasty, greedy "insect crew"!
'Say: "Whatever!", grinning guy
Food not wasted, 'wonder why?
Have another chocky ice..
Telling off those naughty mice! Who is to blame?
Updated from 2016 xx