E  S  C  A  P  I  N  G  !

We're escaping

Yawn, mouths gaping!

England is the "barrel scraping"!

I avoid "royal" interview

Rather have a "peaceful poo"?

Speculation

Through the Nation

Heading for a railway station?

Isles of Scilly, Cornwall... Sail..

Riding on an Orca Whale!  (Dangerous, called Boris!)

Rain is falling

So appalling!

Gatebeck Lodge we are recalling

Listening to "Orals French"

Saying "banc" or is it bench?

Pigeons cooing

Rain still "viewing"

And of course... a doggie pooing!"  (Local website!)

Time for us to emigrate?

Soon too old and then too late?

Yeti passing

Neighbours "gassing"

Party Time, "they're lads-and-lassing!"

Gulls are screeching, I cry "Help"

Doggie barks, enormous Yelp!

Aphrodite

Far from Blighty

Sharon is our "Great Almighty"!

Sunshine and a perfect track

Rufus, smiling in my sack!

Troodos mountain

"Kendal fountain"  (Rain in August!)

On some sunshine we are counting

Christmas Day and we had sun

And with Enid... Lots of fun!

Going barmy

Whisky.. "Calm mi!"

Alex happy in the army

Close my eyes and disappear

Stuck indoors.. it's what I fear!  Help! 10/03/2021 xx

G  E  O  G  R  A  P  H  Y  !

Mablethorpe, of course, in Kent?

Margate.. 'what I really meant?

Skeggy, is that "brazing place"  (Skegness)

Scunthorpe, Lincs', is really ace!

Himalayas, "girl" says.. France!  ("Pointless" contestant)

Tango is a Chinese dance?

Pafos, 'course, is found in Greece!

Not so far from coastal Nice?

Bogota is near to Spain?

Pennines, where there's lots of rain! (True!)

Loch Ness near to Coral Bay?

'Wonder, what else should I say?

Mastermind, with knowledge clear

Costa Rica, Blackpool's near?

Monkeys jumping off the Tower...

'View Pacific, feel its power!

Irish Sea, The Isle of Wight?

'Say that west is turning right?

Arctic, near to Chile's shore?

Knowledge growing more and more?

Special subject, guess the place!

Yemen, with a smiling face?

Palestine, a peaceful state

Israel decides its fate?  (Better knowledge?)

Sailing on 'banana boat

Veggie food, of course, is goat!  (Fyti food for me!)

English Channel, wave to Chad?

Falkland Isles, I'll buy a pad?  (Really?)

All is nonsense, head for Mars

Viewing Earth from passing stars

Thank you, Sharon, lesson o'er

'Guess I'm just pedantic bore? 04/03/2021  

For Sharon Espin xx

T H E    T A T T O O    K I N G

Dan, Dan, the Tattoo Man

'Has bright transfers where he can!

Aphrodite, Jenny Lumb

'Has an angel on his bum!

Bulging biceps,"Deacon's Queen"

On his back: a football "scene"

Arms of iron, Collie dog

On his neck: the greenest frog!

'Has no hair upon his head  (What!)

Winnie Pooh, his fav'rite Ted'

Has his "Moll" upon his arm

Code of villa's burglar 'larm!! (Really?)

One of Pafos' hottest hunks

'Has a mobile down his trunks

"Good Vibrations", girlfriend's text

Plays Vivaldi's "Seasons" next?

Jesus on his lower back

Better covered with a sack?

'Thinks he's sexy, Vardas Beach

On his cheek?.. a juicy peach

Names of "conquests", "Seize The Day"

Hayley as his latest "lay"

Room for silver Blackpool Tower?

Great Adonis, throbbing power!

Superman: "The Tattoo King"

'Wears expensive golden ring

Rolex gleaming, Aston' car

Nightly?.. Teeth are in a jar!

Greetings to this Tattoo Man

Born in Wales, poor Aberfan

Rarely smiling, "on the pull"

'Guess he's really... rather dull?  From 2011, Vardas Beach xx

04/02/2021 xxxx

G  O  O  D  B  Y  E,    D  O  N  A  L  D  !

Donald Trump!

Ecky Thump!

Gives all democrats the hump!

He is never, never wrong

Sing a super silly song!

Vote and Vote!

Billy Goat!

'Round the White House build a moat!

You will have to blast T' out

He's a nutcase, there's no doubt!

Hair, "fine" Hair!

Yogi Bear!

He has got a hamster there!

'Doesn't look like ninety-four?

And he is pathetic bore!

Guns and God!

Rather odd?

These are NOT "peas in a pod"!

Let's return to wildest west

Donald Trump is on our "vest"!

Democrat?

Don't like that?

"Socialist" not on D's hat?

Time to lauch T' into space

World will then be really ace?

"Sleepy Joe!"

"Sleepy Joe!"

To that White House you MUST go!

With Kamala, duo great

US then has 'better "fate"!

Insults gone

Beach Boys' song

God Only Knows when Trump is gone!

'Want a world that's full of peace?

From Dear Donald then release! xxxx 07/11/2020 xxxx

H O P E S   F O R   P A F O S !

Jab 'gainst 'Flu and Shingles

Rather have some Pringles?

Struggle through these Covid Times

Time for silly jingles?

Boris is a wally

Scowling, not too jolly

Question Time a nightmare seems

'Trust him would be folly?

Gym, my arms are aching

Real exertion faking?

Stepping on and off a "bench"

Muscles are "a-quaking"!

Talking 'bout the Bingo

'Love the "Bingo-Lingo"!

Boris' den is Number Ten

Doggie barks.... a Dingo?

Pinkie talks 'bout Jumbo's

Shoppers.. mainly Dumbos?

Boris on the Christmas Tree

Cabinet of "numbos"?

Mario's for drinking

"Leon, please!", I'm thinking

Happy days on Tala Square

Keo 'fore we're blinking!

Time for "Click-Collecting"

Hands we're disinfecting

Asda far from Pafos Town

Easy Jet "inspecting"  (Any flights?)

Hoping for December

Lovely times remember

Yialos tavern for sea bream

Rufus: 'smiling "member".. "The bears have it!"

20/10/2020  For Pinkie Lightly xxxx

W A T C H   O U T   R O N N I E!

Rufus Bear is going bonkers

Baloo Bear, collectiong conkers?

'Sent to buy a snooker cue

'Guess he hasn't got a clue?

Cue-less is our snooker player

Poet's hair is going greyer!  (Possible?)

"Use your snout, I'll get some chalk

"Soon we'll get you out of baulk!"

'Needs to practise, snout he's chalking

'Makes a change from lots of walking!

Crucible in Sheffield 'goes

With some chalk upon his nose

Ronnie's there, Steve Davis joking

Fun at Baloo's snout he's poking

"Snooker's not for little bears

Go play marbles in your lairs!"

Tension mounting, One-Four-Seven

Rufus soon in Snooker Heaven

Baloo bowing, 'likes applause

Magic in his famous paws!

Day of tournament is nearing

Ronnie O', defeat he's fearing

'Views the headlines: "Bear Defeat"

'Guess he needs a Whisky neat?

Dennis Taylor speculating

For the final he is waiting

Who would bet against a bear?

'Chalks his snout with utmost care!

Final frame, Baloo is leading

Even though his snout is bleeding

'Holds his trophy... and with pride

Ronnie O' has gone to hide!  30/09/2020 xxxx

T  H  E    G  R  U  M  P  Y    C  U  P  !

BORING! BORING!

I'm soon snoring

Lots of Numpties are out "touring"

Van on 'pavement wakes me up  (Within 5 cms!)

Drinking from my Grumpy Cup!

Heinz is grumpy

Life is bumpy

Far too old for "rumpy-pumpy"?

'Knows the inside of his flat?

Karin is his "pussy cat"!

Berlin boiling

Karin toiling (A worker!)

Red wine soon her "system oiling"!

Liquid takes the pain away

On this sticky working day!

Man is smiling

So beguiling

"Missed a bike!", yes, "This I'm filing!"  (Luck?)

'Wearing tie and smartest suit

Laughing too along his "route"!

Mood improving

Schubert... soothing!

Of all friendly smiles 'approving

Lie upon the sofa, snooze

And no need for "daily booze"

Cars not missing

Swear and hissing

Rufus I am gently kissing

Time, I think, to book a trip?

As I at my Whisky sip!

Prospects rising

Not surprising?

Always one for early rising

Isle of Wight for G-Line Tour

Mood improving, more and more!  29/08/2020.. "Hallo Heinz!" xx

                 A      P  L  E  A !

We'd like to walk in peace along the shore

No ducking, weaving, safely, without stress

We try to keep our distance all the more

By walking on the grass or road 'confess!

St. Annes, the pavements full of manic guys

'Say "Thank you" for them... almost in despair

You'll hear my grumbles and those heavy sighs

I'm screaming: "Well, does anybody care?"

Now Rossall, on the dunes, it clears my head

The racing bikes, Thank Goodness, far away!

All horros of the roads are almost "dead"

The sun peeps through, it is a lovely day!

Then Jerry Vine extols all "smashing bikes"  (Ho! Ho!)

This thesis, though, is not one of my likes!!  07/08/2020 xx

D  E  A  R      W  E  E  D      G  A  R  D  E  N

Try and fine the highest weed

Nice and green, where vermin breed

On the drive.. a startled rat

Chased by neighbour's pussy cat!

Park a car and leave it there

Eight years, does man really care?

Scraps of paper strewn inside

"Wear your rubbish, please, with pride!"

Gulls are passing, 'choose a roof

'Find man's garden too uncouth!"

Pigeons dropping "souvenir"

Right beside a can of beer!

Sun come out, a gorgeous sheen

On this sad, chaotic scene

Guy walks past, 'discards a fag

And a dirty plastic bag!

Cello playing, Elgar's day  (Classic FM)

Gosh, I think the weeds do sway!

Add a little dash of pink

Dock leaves too.. "What do you think?"

So majestic, Elgar's charm

Close the blinds, I'm feeling calm

Sailing to a promised land

Man and Nature, hand in hand!

Costa Rica, monkeys howl

Far away from garden's scowl

Toucan, parrot, vultures soar

"Cannot see the weeds no more!"  (Any more?)

Waking up, guy's car starts up  (I am dreaming!)

From my Leon glass I sup

Weeds still there, a Whisky too

Ease the pain of "Weedy Zoo"!  Updated from 2018. xxxx

L  A  W    A  N  D   O  R  D  E  R,    P  L  E  A  S  E  !

Cycle! Cycle!

Racing "Michael"

Wearing trainers made by "Nike-l"

On the pavement, phone in hand

Welcome to the promised land!

'Prefer tweeting  (of birds)

Friends we're meeting

Giving us the warmest greeting

Green Team picking litter up

Drinking from Dear Nature's Cup!

Gordon's passing...

'Sees us "gassing"

In a mask "Flash Gordon's" passing!

Slowly on, his stick his guide

'Views our neighbourhood with pride!

"Parking Heaven"

Not in Devon?

Double-yellow lines for seven!  (Cars obey?)

No police, give them a fine?

All our streets are so divine!  

Cyclists racing

Each one chasing

"TEN" on pathway they're "effacing"  (MPH)

Doggie frightened, we are too

'Guess thay haven't got a clue?

Garden quiet

Here... no riot!

Blackbirds have a tasty "diet"!

Go and have a cup of tea

From the outside world I'm free!  25/07/2020 xx

"C H E E R    U P    J A C K!"

"Trilby Time", with Eddie Waring

Beaming smile his face is wearing

"Up 'n Under", "Early Bath"

Can you hear my silly laugh?

Tommy Cooper, Raymond joking (Ray K')

"Stage One Boozers" almost choking! (Clinking wine bottles!)

"Hairy Fairy" dancing free

High atop the Comic Tree

Mikey Yarwood, always boozing

To Dear Cyprus comics cruising?

Jimmy Tarbuck, Kenneth Dodd

Diddy Men seem rather odd?

Morris Dancers, Cow is dancing (Big Richard!)

Panto': all our lives enhancing

Fairy with a magic wand (Annie M)

Of a bit of humour fond?

Teddy Heath, with shaking shoulders

Leeds United.. ticket holders!  (Champions!)

Harold Wilson with his pipe

Mimics given lots of hype!

'Guessing how Prince George is looking? (Who cares?)

Dear Nigella, lots of cooking

Stavros drinking.... herbal tea???  (Happy Wanderer)

He's declaring" "Whisky-free"!  (We bet!)

Politicians with their... dummies

Johnson, Cummings...plastic tummies?

Not a lot to make us laugh?

Drop them into boiling bath!  (Oil?)

Bradford Bulls, in need of cheering?

Pint of Tetley's as my "beering"

Tommy Cooper: "Cheer up, Jack!"

Silly jokes, there is no lack!

News depressing, 'need more tickles?

Sooty, Sweep and Wilfred Pickles

Tommy Cooper, You're my King!

"Look on 'Bright Side!", we all sing!   Updated from 2013 xxxx

I T ' S    A    B I S C U I T ' S    W O R L D

"I'm nutty as a fruitcake!"

Said the biscuit to the plum

"I'm a chocolate wholewheat

You're all sad and glum!"

"Hold on, Chocoholic!

I'm a piece of fruit

I'm all full of goodness

And what's more, I'm cute!"

"Children like their chocolate

'Buy it by the ton

You're a rainy shower

I'm a day of sun!"

"You pull out the fillings

Dentists this they hate

Piling on the kilos

Dreadful is their fate!"

Biscuit's really raging

And begins to melt

Painful situation

Joker's just been dealt!

Plum is laughing loudly

Hand then reaches out

Gobbles down our "Plummie"

'Spits the hard stone out!

Biscuit's smiling broadly

Jumps back in the tin

Sleeping safe and soundly

'Dreams about his "win"!

Would you call this justice?

Biscuit's still awake

Eater's turning poorly

For Poor Plummie's sake!  Should the bully win?  Updated from 2012 xx

I am the plum, of course, bullied out of a job in 2000 xx

        D E A R    H E T T Y     

Dear Hetty on our sofa calmy sits

The "Little Folk", you'll find them all around

She loves our Rufus: "Yes", she says.. "to bits!"

And moving now, without a single sound

She lives too on a shelf with Super Ted  (At least 70 years of age!)

There's Josef too, his yodel he has lost!  (Zu Hilfe!)

Dear Peggy Sue and she's to Josef wed

Support each other at whatever cost!

Hett' likes a comfy cushion where it's calm

Whilst watching "Corrie"*, Roy her fav'rite man

When trouble brews, she raises the alarm

They fly around the room, yes, in a pan!

A hedgehog's life is super in our house

She's meek and mild and quiet as a mouse... Like myself? 

Updated from 2018 xxxx  * Coronation Street

W  A  S    I  S  T    L  O  S  ?

What's the matter, North and South?

Food keeps dropping in my mouth

'Pass the fridge, some cheese "drops in"!

Whisky too, but never gin!

Making breakfast, nuts and fruit

Fingers think they're really cute!

Pinch a lonely, tasty grape

Stomach keeps a healthy shape?

Chopping carrots, lots "drop in"

Wasting food would be a sin!

Celery and currants too

Mushrooms, destined for a stew!

MYSTERY... A chocolate thief?

Strawb'rries too... Beyond belief?

Ginger biscuits all have gone

Singing: "Yummy, Foodie Song"!

Bag of nuts is looking thin

P'rhaps they've fallen in the bin?

Fish and chips have disappeared

"Foodie Thief", one says, is feared!

Whisky bottle 'emptied too

Leon gone...."Give us a clue!"

Sherlock Holmes is on the case

Searching for a "greedy face"!

Maybe...Blame the local cats?

Sleeping on their beds and mats

'Guess they really need the food?

Puts them in a purring mood!

I am blaming.... local mice

Eating lots of sugar, spice!

Ants, I think, are suspects too?

Nasty, greedy "insect crew"!

'Say: "Whatever!", grinning guy

Food not wasted, 'wonder why?

Have another chocky ice..

Telling off those naughty mice!   Who is to blame? 

Updated from 2016 xx