The manic poet




T A L E S  F R O M  O U R

         G A R D E N !


Can you see me "boysie-racing"?

Much more likely: "steady-pacing"

Car is passing, honking horn

MP watching "secret porn'!"


"Tractor-watching", he is claiming!

For the weeds I'm only aiming

Birds they chuckle, no one lies!!

Elephants pass in the skies!


Pruning, coloured car is looming

Then another engine "booming"!

"Amazon" and DPD

Great, we've  gained some "catty wee"!


Disinfectant, doggie passing

Driver on his phone is "gassing"

"Safer in the garden, mate!"

As I for my passport wait! (After eleven weeks!)


At a party? "Was my double!"

Civil Service is in trouble!  (Of course, blame Sue Gray!

P'rhaps in was Dear Peppa Pig?

PM doesn't care a fig!


Weeding soon becomes a pleasure  (Really?)

Mansion better for my leisure?

Chesea Show, "nobilitee"!

Garden Life to set us free!


Garden hoe, I'm "Ho! Ho! Ho-ing!"

Pigeons busy "to-and-fro-ing"

Splosh, another dirty head

They, of course, by Heaven fed!


In our sun-lounge, Whisky downing

Gone so soon my morning frowning

Guy says: "I enjoy my Scotch!"

As two blackbirds I do watch!  Yippee!  24/05/2022 xxxx





D R Y   M O N D A Y !


"Monday, What, You don't have Whisky!"

'Guess that means you're much more frisky?

Don't believe it, ageing man....

"Poet" is no Peter Pan!


"Famous Grouse", you'll soon be closing?

With a Whisky usually posing?

Have a lemonade instead!

Something missing in my head?  (No comment?)


Walking without stimulation

So much better for the Nation?

"I'm preparing "royal" cake

For "Dear Andrew", charming snake!


"Suck it up, they're celebrating!"

For July I guess I'm waiting?

Hope to do a gentle cruise

They won't serve a lot of booze!


Green Team, smiling, preparations

'Could it be the "Seven Nations?" (Six, really, with Italy)

Rather watch a rugby match?

Yearning for a glass of "Scotch"!


Irene smiles, though Villa losing

End of season, 'guess they're boozing?

Leeds United heave' a sigh

Father happy "in the sky"?  (A seaon ticket holder, once!)


Monday's passing, Grouse is waiting

"Have a wee one!", glass debating!

'Wonder when my passport's here

Perhaps, instead, I'll down a beer!


Whisky-free, but not forever!

'Got to keep myself together!

"Level-Up", tomorrow three

Paul is laughing: "He! He! He!"  Amen 23/05/2022 xxxx



H E L P!

"L E V E L L I N G - D O W N!"


Folks are poor and many frowning

Not so many Cavas downing?

Heating means the nearest bus

Show your pass, you get no fuss!


Packets smaller, prices soaring

Yet, I hear a sports car roaring

'Can't afford a Bentley here.....

Listen to "Dear Andrew" cheer!  (DOY, BOG-OFF!)


Pensions lower, prices higher

Up above a Spitfire flyer?

Walking 'round Fairhaven Lake

Do NOT have a "Party Cake"!


In th North, our problems fewer? (Really!)

Far away from Johnson's sewer

Not so many cheats up here

Only foreign Lager Beer!  (Cheers!)


'Got the birds, the songs our pleasure

'Not got yachts for sailing leisure?

Walk the dog and watch the rain!

Boiling hot for friends in Spain!


Anger, as my passport's missing

Trip abroad we could be missing?

Whisky calms me, not for long

Singing doleful Brexit song!


"Take the train", but it's not coming!

'Stead we hear a taxi "brumming"!

Quicker if we start to walk....

'Take a while to get to York?


Happy Days, not many smiling

"Level-Up" we all are filing

'Got more chance of Lott'ry win?

Happiness is just a sin!  Cynical poet? 22/05/2022 xxxx

Bonjour! xxxx


M A I N L Y  K N I C K E R S !


Knickers swaying on our line

Underpants are so divine!

Blackbird laughing, 'gives a wink

Robin too before I blink!


Neighbour hanging washing too

Whoops, he's got some Pigeon Poo!

Not too happy, 'wipes his head

'Guess it's not by Heaven fed?


Washing swaying, happy days

Piano playing, head that sways

Chopin waltzing, Mozart too

Schubert, part of "music crew"!


Robin loves a bit of Brahms!

Blows away all "war alarms"

News, I guess, just makes me ill?

Music is a soothing "pill"!


Meal-worms for our feathered friends

Secret place, at 'garden ends

Blackbird finds his little den

Blue Tit too, he feeds and then?......


,Hides, 'avoids a warring Gull

Anchorsholme is rarely dull!

Help! my pants have got a "splash"

'Like to give the Gulls a bash?


Mainly knickers, 'start to smile

Safer on the Golden Mile?

No, I'm snoozing, garden seat

Birdie song and tapping feet!


Happy scene, it's peaceful, safe

'Thinking of Dear Tony Rafe!  (Cyprus cyclist)

'Never know, 'might see you soon?

Underneath a Pafos moon!  Amen xxxx 21/05/2022 xxxx




OU R  G R E E N   T E A M


Pizza wrappers

"Doggie crappers!"

Grabber or I need some "Zappers"!

Freezer 'left and "satty dish"  (Satellite time!)

Litter-free my only wish!


Carpet "lying"

Pigeon dying

On good nature I'm relying

Cheered up by the "Greenest Team"

Perfect Park, it is their dream!


John so caring

Love he's sharing

Badge of Honour he is wearing!

Robert says he's Pafos bound

Quiet place out there he's "found"


Big dogs barking

Owners "larking"

I think that they're also "barking" (Mad?)

We don't need the piles of poo

P'rhaps we need a doggie loo?



Doggie weeing

For the hills I'm quickly "fleeing"!

Pick more wrappers, "sniffing tubes"

Rather have a tube of Zubes? (Do they exist now?)


Irene's "Villa"

Game's a thriller

Lucky me: a tube of filler!

Leeds United going down

You can view my Yorkshire frown!


Green Team meeting

Outside seating

Always get the warmest greeting

Raise my cup to Paul and Team

East Pines' Park, it is their dream!  xxxx 20/05/2022 xxxx




S U R P R I S E!  S U R P R I S E !


"Surprise, Yes, Surprise!"

Dear Cilla, she dies  (Cilla Black)

That poor lady's fallen

All Liverpool sighs!


'Was singing all day

For sunshine she'd pray

Fine Cava she's drinking

She's starting to sway!  (Help!)


A neighbour, he smiles

Proud "gardening styles"

He's digging, exhausted

And soil? He has piles!


Of Cyprus he talks

Of Mesogi walks

He lived 'Tremithousa

Dear vultures and hawks!


Nine years over there

"Return if you dare!"

His wife safe in Cleveleys

Of Pafos "Don't care!"


So happy his life

No "gardening strife"!

A snooze in the sunshine

Soon tired his wife!


I sympathy give

In Tala to live?

Just annual visit

My brain's just a sieve!


A compromise kind

Some comfort we find

Some poems to cheer us

East Pines.... we don't mind! 18/05/2022.  Have a Whisky... Yiamas! xxxx










"Y O U  N E E D   A   P A S S P O R T!"


Thinking of Theletra Village

'Gosh it is a peaceful village

Only problem?....Passport gone!

Now I sing a doleful song!


Royal Mail is not too royal?

Customers are always loyal

"First-class, still we lose your mail!"

Time for me to weep and mail!


PEX The Number, nothing doing!

Can you hear our pigeons cooing?

Pigeon Post might be the "thing"

Would they sound my "ding-a-ling"?


Many calls, forever waiting

Pigeon Post I'm still debating?

MP trying, any chance?

Cyprus all our lives enhance!


March we paid, Dear Peterborough

"System there is very thorough!" (More lies!)

Listen to the music play  (Bach concerto!)

We will answer, "Yes, one day"!


Head now spinning, time is flying

Can you hear our pigeons sighing

Going past, they drop a... poop!

Watch out!, soon they form a group!


Meanwhile, village soundly sleeping

Over wall you'll see me leaping  (And I fell!)

Madness from the long delay

Just another Brexit Day!


Magic carpet now arriving

Passport loss we are surviving

Landing near to Venus Beach

Paradise is within reach!   17/05/2022. xxxx





"H E A D   F O R   T H E   H I L L S !"


Crazy World, I'm going barmy

'Need a Whisky p'rhaps to "calm mi"?

Soon I'm heading for the hills

Walking, always lots of thrills!


All the Nation, "tele-watching"

As for me?, "a little Scotch-ing"?

Riding on a royal horse

Not for me, I say: "Of course!"


Andrew in expensive limo'

'Guess he's really not so "dim-o"?

'Got a special number plate

"DOY", It is our fate!"


Gulps of air and I'm relaxing

Lanky "hills" are not so taxing!

Birds are singing, 'head soon clear

You can hear my Happy Cheer!


I don't have nobil'ty scooter

Just an ugly "Yorkshire hooter"

Sandringham is far away

Thornton Lodge, another cheer!


Stanah walk, the view so calming

Nothing here I find alarming

Mother with her little child

Sunshine, weather's rather mild!


Fleetwood view, soon we're returning

For some foreign "ale" I'm yearning  (Italian lager!)

Pam just waves, she struggles on  (An old friend!)

Singing only lonely song!


Smashing meal, my fish is yummy

Lots of gurgles from my tummy

Raise a glass to walking times

"Cannot find your royal rhymes!"  Amen xx 16/05/2022  xx



T A K E  A  L E A D !


Take a lead from Johnson

Yes, he is a con, son!

Partying but NEVER there...

Downing Street for cheats, son!


Tories watching porn, lad

For some "fun" they are glad

Angela: "Don't show your knees!"

Nothing they do is bad!!  (Obviously!)


Sue Gray has been bribed, See!

Blackbird singing, high tree

Chuckle-ing from feathered friend

Critisism is free!


Joking with his "fab' team"

Dorries, Sunak, smiles, beam!

Truss and Patel start to smirk

Gosh, it is a "dream team"!


PPE from "friends"..Wink!

Budget flushing "down t'sink!"

Tennis set with PM.... Cheer!

'Wonder what you all think?


Johnson's giant nose grows

Lies, deceit, of course, sews!

Statement from Pinnochio

"Just about to stone crows!"


May elections, J' OUT!

'Give all liars large CLOUT!

"Come on Starmer, take the lead!"

Tired of this "posh lout!"  28/04/2022 xxxx

"We support Roger!" xxxx


C O U N T I N G  P L A S T I C !


Plastic counting

Plastic "mountain"

Rather have a cooling fountain?

Roger is, of course, in charge

Always butter, NEVER marge!  (Roger Le Lapin)


Poo-bags swaying

R' dismaying!

"Ramasse-ca!", I hear him saying

He's disgusted, "Paresseux!"

And emitting loudest "Errrr"!


Park is busy

Makes me dizzy

Chris is kissing latest "Lizzy"!

Paul, still Monet, 'got his brush

Nearby tree, a singing thrush! (He! He! He!"


Crispy packets

Tennis rackets

In the ginnel lots of brackets!

Bottles full of Lucozade

Wee wee, not some lemonade?


Carpet stinking

Roger blinking

Standards here are low, he's thinking!

Lots of scratch-cards blow about

'Guess no winners, we don't doubt!!


Still he's counting

Tensions mounting

"Many types the laws are flouting!"

"Do we need a plastic hill?"

Hearts with sadness soon they fill!


Have a Whisky

Rather risky?

Hardly makes me that more frisky!

Roger has a glass of wine

From Bordeaux; "It's not a crime!"


Sweetie papers

Stupid vapers

Teens enjoy "addictive capers"!

Amen to the weekly "crap"

Give offenders "Wifie slap"! 21/04/2022 xxxx  (Monsieur Smith!)






R E A L L Y  "L O O P Y!"


Going loopy

"Veggie", poopy!

Ageing.... and my "bits" are "droopy"

Roger Rabbit starts to grin

"Craziness is not a sin!"


Going barmy

Watch "Dad's Army"

Need a "Scotch", if just to calm mi!

Heading off to Monday gym

Prospects there are far from grim!


"Fatty" dressing

Large, 'confessing

Talc' and "smellies" floor are "messing"

Something vulgar on his shirt

"Hi there!", his reply is curt!


I am biking

To my liking

Tour de France or am I "Tyke-ing"  (Tour de Yorkshire)

Crazy world for Bradford Bulls

More defeats at heart-strings 'pulls!


"Twenty- K-in" (Kilometres)

Head is swaying

Mobile phones and, soon "dismay-ing"

"Throw your phones into the sea!"

'Like a world that is "tech-free"!


Time for shower

"Frozen hour" (Two minutes!)

Boiler lacking heating-power?

Guy is squirting giant bod'

Awful stench is rather odd!


We're returning

Tyres are "burning"  (David Hamilton?)

For my daily 'Grouse I'm yearning!

Teen is biking, mobile phone

Listen to this driver moan!


Home 'arriving

Hate the driving

Coffee and, I'm soon reviving!

Grateful for our peaceful "nest"

Anchorsholme by far the best! xx  18/04/2022 xxxx